The following material is reprinted electronically with permission of CHARLES N. MIFSUD, author of MARTA - Letters to Cousin Charlie (Dusfim Publications, PO Box 43, Padstow NSW 2211, Australia)
MARTA Tghid...
Ahna l-Maltin nikkonfondu wisq. U ma hemmx ghalfejn. Ghax fuq kollox li hemm hemm, u blikkonfondimment ma sa ngiebu xejn. Mhux veru? Mela ara, jew ahjar isma
Hemm biss giex affarijiet li ghandek tikkonfondi fuqhom. Wahda li sa tghix bsahhtek u l-ohra li sa timrad.
Issa jekk inti sa tghix bsahhtek ma ghandekx ghalfejn tikkonfondi.
Jekk inti sa timrad, hemm giex affarijiet fuqhiex ghandek tikkonfondi.
Jew sa tfieq, jew sa tmut. Issa jekk tfieq ma ghandekx fuqhiex tikkonfondi.
Jekk sa tmuthemm giex affarijiet fuqhiex ghandek tikkonfondi.
Jew sa tmur il-Genna jew sa tmur l-Infern.
Jekk tmur il-Genna ma ghandekx fuqhiex tikkonfondi.
Imma jekk tmur l-Infern tant sa tkun imhabbat u tant sa tiltaqa ma hbieb u nies li kont taghmilha maghhom li mhux sa jkollok hin biex toqghod tikkonfondi.
Il-problema tas-sens komun hu li mhuwiex komuni bizzejjed. Mis-sens komun johrog l-gherf u mis-sens komun u l-gherf hargu dawn il-versi favoriti ta Marta:
Rasu bonswa u mohhu cheerio.
Ix-xitan mghandux halib.
Il-hmar il-maghkus idur ghalih id-dubbien.
Min jiekol iz-zalzett ghami minn wahda.
Min jiekol il-mazzit ghami minn tnejn.
Rasu tajba mohhu hazin.
Ma jafx jikteb imma mohhu skrivanija
BOOBY-TRAP: a small bra.
IMPALE: to put in a bucket.
PIGTAIL: a story about a pig.
POLITICS: sounds coming from a parrot that has swallowed a watch.
TRIPLETS: small journeys
A 90-year old man asked his doctor to help him lower his sex drive. The
doctor was amazed and surprised.
Doctor: At your age it could only be in your head!
Patient: You're right, Doc, that's why I want you to lower my sex drive to
the place where it will do more good!
Patient: Well Doctor, what did the test show, am I dying?
Doctor: Oh no, the tests proved you have a lot of gas, you have sugar and
you have fluid water.
Patient: What should I do Doctor?
Doctor: Well, you could start up producing lemonade.
Woman: Doctor, are you telling me you cannot come to see my husband for
another three days?
Doctor: That's right, because I have to see a lot of other patients.
Woman: But Doctor, my husband could be dead by then. What will I do
then?
Doctor: Well, you will have to ring and cancel the appointment!
v
"We are having a Maltese festival here in Mackay, so why dont you jump a jump to here? I hope the weather is fine but you never know because you cannot take a copy of the weather.
Victors sister Joyce got engaged last month, but not for long, because they had a big fight and engagement finished. They rubbed off because Frankie said Joyce paints her hair blonde. My Toni had a good talk with him, you know, he tried to open his eyes, but no good. It was all oil in the rupture. Toni was very sorry, so I said to him "Toni you tried your best, now take patience - I know you are a good talker because for you the words come like the cherries even though your tongue doesnt turn for the English. Toni reckons Frankie is a busted broadbean of his father. I think he is right because Zaren, his father, is as we say in Maltese on his soul a lot.
Ni cash jaw ic-cekk
Ji watch jaw it-TV
Hu good time il-lejla
Ji hang jaw il-hwejjeg
Ni raise jaw it-tfal
Ji cook ja l-ikel
Ti mow ja il-haxix
Ji fance ja l-ohra.
He sleeps in the deep.
His wife turns with him.
My brain is drying up.
A lot of talk in the empty.
The fat he ate opened him.
He is losing, he has a screw loose.
He spread the bed.
Cut the tickets for the show.
The iron fell on the loaf of her foot.